Please Don’t Take My Sunshine Away…


By Alexis Grimaldo, Staff Writer

Loss is something people are accustom to. Yes it hurts, but, eventually, people move on only looking back occasionally to remember the good old days with their loved ones. But what about the loved ones you never met?

I’m not talking about a distant cousin that lives all the way in who knows where. I’m talking about the one person that you loved with all your heart unconditionally and irrevocably.

From the moment you found out about their existence, that person filled your heart with a joy that is indescribable to any other human being. The person that is supposed to live with you for nine months and then come out and explore the crazy world we live in. The person that left you after only a few months to explore a greater world that mankind can only dream about.

That person is your baby that left you too soon.

“When the nurses told me I had a miscarriage, I froze. I felt numb. Then a wave of pain and regret washed over me and I cried for weeks,” Blaine* said.

Miscarriages are one of the most painful losses a person can experience in their life time. Not only do you have to live with the painful thinking of “what ifs” but you also have to live with the agonizing truth that your baby died and you won’t be taking anything home in your arms when you leave the hospital.

“My friend bought me a bouquet of flowers when she found out I had a miscarriage so that I could carry something in my arms when I left,” Colleen Kroeker said.

But, other victims aren’t as fortunate to have caring loved ones. Some victims have to go through this dark time alone having to deal with the depression and pain by themselves.

“I believed it was my fault that my baby died, that I was the cause of this,” Blaine* said.

Many victims believe it’s their fault for their baby’s death; however, it is quite easy to have a miscarriage in the early weeks of pregnancy. Almost 25% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage and there is almost nothing a person can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening. The only thing a mother can really do is live a healthy and careful lifestyle before and during these crucial nine months.

The pain and loss of a child is excruciatingly overwhelming to wistful adults, but to a teen… losing a child is traumatic. Depression is a state teenagers usually slip into when they find out they lost their child. They find comfort in the numbing arms of depression and its dark whispers.

“I refused to eat for days and I didn’t talk for a few weeks,” Blaine* said.

Some teenager don’t know how to deal with their grief. They result to physical harm to themselves and completely shut off mentally. Others try  to move past it and take advice from adults on how to handle the grief.

“There wasn’t anything I could bury so my husband and I decided to plant a tree at our favorite picnic place. We wanted something to grow and live because of us,” Kroeker said.

Moving on may seem impossible at the time, but it does get easier. The pain will numb and you will continue on with you’re life; however, the grief will never entirely go away. How can it when you lost such a precious thing? Things do get better, though.

“The pain went away after awhile, but it still comes back every once in awhile,” Kroeker said. “Once I accepted the fact that it was a loss that I couldn’t do anything about, the pain started to go away and I could really move on. I still miss the future I could have had with my child but I focus all my love attention on my students. They help fill that hole I had and I am grateful for that.”


*name changed at request