I feel lonely

By Megan Peterson, Online Editor

I am broken. It’s funny how you see the good in people only to find out they have no good, but for some reason, no matter how badly you don’t want to, you continue to look for it. Why do I look for it? I look for it in her. I look for it in him. She tried to hurt me. She pretended to be my friend and she tried to hurt me. He didn’t mean to hurt me, but he knew that he was doing it. He knew he was hurting me and he did nothing to fix it. They knew it would hurt me, but they didn’t care. They knew it would hurt me, but they knew him longer. They all hurt me when I was already down.

I am broken. What did I do to push you away ? I tried so hard to love you. I let you in. I showed you my secrets. All of them. I loved you with everything I had. I was good to you. What did I do wrong? What would I give to get it back? I don’t know that I would want it back because I can’t trust you. You hurt me and I can’t trust you, but I still love you. What I would give to know what happened. Is it because I wasn’t pretty enough? Did I not tell you what you meant to me?

I am broken. I spend my days and nights unable to escape the thoughts of you. How you hurt me. What you did to me. I hate you. But, I love you too. You’re everywhere. You’re in the clothes I wore when I was with you. You’re in the decorations you helped me pick out for my room. You’re in the TV shows we watched together. You’re in my kitchen from when we cooked together. You’re in my hair from when you would try and braid it for me or put it up as we got off the bus for band. You’re in the stars we used to watch. You’re on the sidewalk where I used to wait for you to come save me from my nightmares. You’re in my favorite foods you ate with me and the flowers you bought me. And you’re with her. You’re with her every morning and evening. You’re with her when you should be with me.

I am broken. I hate you for making me love you. I hate you for ever loving me at all. I hate you for making me laugh and for knowing everything about me. I hate you for loving her. I hate you because you broke me and I can’t pick up the pieces because you were one of them.