I think college is going to break me. Last night, I found out about my acceptance to the school I will most likely be attending next year.

And that got me thinking.

These people that I see every single day, I won’t see them anymore.

That means no more Wednesday night dinners with just my mom and me.

No more Friday night dates with David.

No more spontaneous, last minute movie plans with Caroline.

No more Saturday movie marathons with Sarah.

No more Fall Retreats, Winter Retreats or Youth Camps.

All of these minor events seem like huge pleasures when I look at what I will lose when we go our separate ways. College is going to literally rip my heart in different directions. I haven’t gone a single year of my life that Sarah or Caroline weren’t present for. They are my memories, whether they are good or bad.

Caroline and David will only be an hour and a half away, which isn’t too far, but Sarah will be in an entirely different state. And even if David and Caroline are only ‘down the road’ from Baylor, it can still feel just as far away as California or Ohio.

I know that I will meet new people. I know that I will make new memories. That’s not the problem.

My worst fear and the part about college that makes my stomach twist is the fact that the vast majority of those memories will not include Sarah, Caroline or David. I will be with new people, and they will become my closest friends. An hour and a half does not feel far until you factor in the hours that you can’t be there.

These people who I have lived no more than 10 minutes away from will be hours away next fall. Two of them won’t have a car, and all of us will be creating lives independent of each other. I am not sure how I will be able to handle that because I have been fortunate enough to always have Caroline and Sarah to be my home base. They always know what to say and what to do when things go wrong.

How will I be able to find someone to fill their place when they can no longer be that person for my anymore?

And, more importantly, how can I let myself find someone who can fill their place?