Not enough

Disapprove.+%28http%3A%2F%2Fbit.ly%2F1NZMNkS%29

hobvias sudoneighm (creative commons)

Disapprove. (http://bit.ly/1NZMNkS)

By Bobby Luvender, Staff Writer

To look into their eyes and be told you’re not good enough, that you don’t exceed their expectations, that basically you’re a waste of talent and intelligence. That feeling of failing to be a product worthy of praise is left adrift in the back your mind, coming to your attention in the late hours of the night. Knowing the one person whose approval you crave doesn’t approve of you. Realizing no matter what you do, regardless of how astonishing it may be, you know its greatness will be tainted, that to them you’re transparent.

They see right through your achievements and dwell upon your flaws. They are too busy trying to shape you into someone worth being proud of, someone who they can brag to their friends about, someone that makes them look great as a parent, simply someone better. They don’t even bother to acknowledge how great you are, how unique you are, and how important you are. They don’t notice that you look for approval from other people simply because you don’t feel accepted at home. They don’t notice the tears, the people, the food, the drugs, basically anything that is used to fill the emptiness of disapproval.

It’s mind boggling how much that one opinion can out-weigh everyone else’s, how you can have all the sunshine in the world, but their one rain cloud can make it a rainy day. How just a combination of words, or the nonexistent proclamation of admiration from them alters your view of self worth. If only that one person knew the joyous emotions that came with “I’m proud of you”, the sense of accomplishment, the sudden disappearance of self doubt, and how it can illuminate your day. If only they knew how much it meant for them to be proud, to express it, to make it known, to wear it on their sleeve that they were proud of you. If only you didn’t have to worry about trying to impress them, if only you didn’t have to be torn apart by the words never said, if only they were proud of you, if only…