Polar Bear Love

I thought it was a good idea. I had thought it was one of my best ideas yet. But of course, I didn’t think it would end up getting me arrested while wearing this polar bear suit.

What’s wrong with me? Just a few weeks ago, Bailey and I were so deep in love that lightning couldn’t strike us apart. Now it’s two weeks later and the woman can barely stand me. Women are so bipolar, I swear. Now, she only has eyes for Rodrigo, the mail man that delivers mail to her house. I should’ve seen it coming by the way she’d stare and watch him walk by in his old Levis as he delivered the mail to her mailbox. Of course, she trades the young pre-med student who’s not so bad with the ladies; by the way, for the mail man who I personally think is gay. What is wrong with this woman? Women flock at my feet and chase my good looks, but I only see her. I only want her. I did everything I could to win that heart back, the heart of the woman who once loved me so dearly. Or so I thought.

I even went so far as to surprise her on her 21st birthday with a 14 karat diamond ring. Now how does the polar bear suit play into this? Well, she loves polar bears. It’s her favorite animal of all time. As a matter of fact, the first time we met was at a zoo where they held a polar bear. That was the day I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman, so it only seemed fitting that I did the proposal in a polar bear suit. Most women would think it was adorable, but not her.

Her words still haunted me as I sat in the back of the police car.

“Jake! You just don’t get it do you? You need to get it through your head that I just don’t love you anymore. You’ve just been too unbearable for the past few months, and besides, I’ve met someone new.”

I noticed her looking out the corner of her eye at a familiar man as he approached her mailbox. I just stared at her as we both stood on the porch until I finally lost it.

In my polar bear suit, I marched over to The Oh So Great Rodrigo and let him have it. That’s right. I beat the crap out of a guy while wearing a polar bear suit, and I’m not ashamed. I’m actually pretty dang proud. The only bad part was that Bailey called the police and they arrested me.

And now here I am, sitting in the back of a police car, wearing a polar bear suit. What is life?