Boys Restroom Rant

By Caleb Fojtik, Staff Writer

When I walk into the stench filled, tile floored, florescent lit, germ filled, place we all call restrooms at The Ranch, I wonder what horrific sightings I may encounter, or, “gee, I wonder how many ounces of urine will be on the floor and toilet seats today?”

Should I honestly be surprised to find a perfectly fine #2 pencil thrown into the urinals? Probably not, however I’m more concerned on what possessed a child to walk into the restroom with a goal of throwing a certified test taking tool into the plumbing system. Well maybe he accidentally dropped it right? Let’s just hope that’s the case. Let’s also hope the guy who threw the apple slices in the toilet had a very logical reason to do so. What did the apple slices do to you?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe your bathroom time should be relaxing, however when one man is having trouble with his aim, another man has to worry about that other man’s bodily fluids seeping into his skin. And this is where the toilet paper issue comes in.

When you can see more toilet paper on the ground than tile, something is literally wrong with people’s heads. What is the actual reason that there are 17 sheets of toilet paper on the ground? No one knows, no one really asks. It’s sadly just a part of people’s day to tightrope around litter and fluids on the ground. When you see a toilet seat rimmed with toilet paper what do you do? You turn your little behind around and go to the next one and hope it’s okay.

Restrooms are a sickening place filled with so called “humor” but it is really just disgust. All in all, please flush. I know you’re not at home but lord, have some common sense.